|
Larry Cotter and the Magician's Rabbit
Larry Cotter set down his pruning shears and wiped his brow.
His fingers stopped at the scar on his forehead, which took the shape of three small circles arranged in a triangle. His great aunt had told him he had received the scar in the tragic accident that killed his parents, which was far too tragic to be elaborated upon.
Sighing, Larry leaned back and admired his work.
Admittedly, he wasn't very good at anything; in fact, he was rather average. But if there was anything he was good at, it was pruning. Why, in the hot summer sun, it almost looked like that wizard he had just cut out of the large bush in his great aunt's front lawn really was alive.
And then something miraculous happened: the wizard actually moved!
Larry stepped back, not in shock, because he'd heard of this happening before, but because the wizard had just swept off his purple pointed hat and, with a flourish, bowed before him.
Standing, the wizard said, "Larry Cotter?"
"W-why yes."
"I am the High Wizard Extraordinaire, Supremely Omnipotent Sorcerer, Champion of All Good,
Guy-Who-Will-Always-Save-Your-Behind-At-The-Last-Minute, Headmaster Professor Teacher Mirlen Mumblebore," the wizard said. "But you may call me Professor Mumblebore."
Larry winced at the twinkling of Mumblebore's eyes and the glare coming off the shiny silver stars and moons sewn to his hat.
"Why are you here?"
"Because, Larry, you," Mumblebore said, "are a wizard."
"A wizard?" Larry's eyes widened in awe and imagination at all the great things this could mean for him. "Really?"
"Well, no, but there just aren't many wizards around anymore and we need more enrollees to keep the school open."
"Oh."
"Come, Larry, there is one final test you must take before we can accept you!"
Mumblebore pulled out a mop from nowhere and beckoned to Larry. "Hop on, Larry, this is a state of the art mop. I paid only
$19.99 for this! You can't get this in stores."
They flew over the land, waving at all the people below who pointed in shock at them. "Don't you love adoring fans?" Mumblebore
smiled and waved back.
Finally they arrived at the local mall. "Here," Mumblebore gestured towards the grand entrance of the mall, where a mother was dragging her two crying toddlers while juggling an armful of shopping bags, "is where you will prove yourself!"
Mumblebore rushed straight to a display in front of a hat store that involved a large, overturned top hat.
"Attention, citizens of Honesdale," Mumblebore announced. "Who so pulleth out this rabbit of this hat is rightwise king born of all
Pennsylvania!"
The crowd of shoppers immediately turned to Larry and watched with rapt attention.
"Well go on boy," Mumblebore said, pushing Larry towards the hat.
Larry nervously stepped up towards the hat and reached in.
To his surprise, there was no rabbit inside. He pulled his hand out and was about to say "I'm sorry there's nothing there," when with a wave of Mumblebore's wand, a rabbit magically appeared in Larry's hands. The crowd oohed and aahed, and then rushed into the hat store.
"What was the point of that, sir?" Larry asked as Mumblebore pulled him out of the store.
"Owed the manager a favor, he needed a gimmick to get more customers."
Larry nodded and pondered the mysterious ways of his new professor.
#
Larry attended his first class, Lotions, with some apprehension, as he was allergic to most lotions.
A girl sat down in the seat next to him.
"Hi," she said, "I'm Xermioyza Smith."
"I'm Larry Cotter."
Xermioyza gasped and dropped her feather pen. "The Larry Cotter? As in the famous soccer player?"
"No, actually, I'm just from Honesdale, Pennsylvania."
"Oh." She turned back to her books. "Oh well then."
Larry couldn't keep his eyes off Xermioyza's bushy blonde locks.
Her glasses slipped off her nose and he had a glimpse of her beautiful green eyes. He could tell at once that she had that kind of beauty that no one else appreciated.
The door banged open and everyone jumped in their seats.
They turned to see their professor stride in. "Students," he hissed without even introducing himself, "can anyone tell me what you get when you mix aloe with frog slime and milk?"
Xermioyza raised her hand but the professor ignored her. "Anyone? Anyone? No one can tell me? You've had three whole hours to study and you haven't memorized the material yet?" The class stared at him. "Well that's it!" He threw his hands up in the air. "I've had it with these lazy students! You try to provide them with a decent education and they refuse to learn!" With that, he left the room, banging the door on his way out.
Larry pondered the mysterious ways of yet another professor. Things sure were strange around here.
#
** Other plans for the story include: Larry discovering his parents' true death: a bowling accident, Larry discovering his special ability
to talk to snails, and Larry falls in love with Xermioyza but when, after a heated argument with their friend Ronald McDork she starts passionately making out with him, he decides that Ronald's little sister "will
do". When students refuse to listen to Professor Mumblebore's edict forbidding them to go into the forest, several are attacked by a bored vampire prince with an affinity for playing the ukulele.
Larry decides that it is up to him to save the school as he was the "Chosen One", King of all Honesdale, and the vampire decides to go with it because "he has nothing better to do than trying to murder an eleven year old incompetent wizard".
|
