|
Assignment: Second person present tense
You awake in the middle of the night, when your wife Joan turns on the bathroom light and it blazes into the room.
Squinting you make out her form ambling towards the toilet and then she kicks the door shut.
The light disappears, except for the thin strip streaming into the room like water flooding over a dam. But you need pure darkness to sleep, and that ribbon of light is going to keep you awake.
Now conscious, you suddenly notice the numbness in your right arm from laying on it all night.
As you lay you feel it worsen, feel it creeping up your arm, intensifying until your hand feels like it is made of shifting sand.
You decide to roll over, but nothing happens. Your body refuses to listen to your commands.
Meanwhile the light glares at you, compelling you to roll over even though you cannot. The numbness increases, and now you feel like you have no hand at all. Again you attempt to roll over, but still nothing happens. You are trapped. You attempt to flex your elbow. Nothing happens though your mind is pushing and pushing; your muscles don't even twitch.
Your left arm dangles over the side of the bed. As you lay, trapped within your own body, the dog mosies over to
lick your fingers. Sticky slobber coats your hand, the dog's cold nose brushes your finger tips, and his whiskers tickle your palm.
But you can't even laugh or move away, and he goes on and on until suddenly, Joan opens the door. You sit up, startled again by the sudden flood of light, and your hand smacks the dogs nose. He whimpers and runs away.
"What'd you do?" Joan hisses, intercepting the dog and stroking his ear.
She whispers baby noises and doesn't care for your answer when the dog wags his tail and licks her face.
Finally, you roll over and back to sleep.
#
During the day, you forget your brush with paralysis. You enjoy soft, fluffy pancakes drizzled with sticky syrup,
slip into your favorite suit, and drive to work. Even the bumper to bumper traffic doesn't bother you. The day passes by in a blur of small accomplishments, like your boss's praise for that report you
did last week and Susan's flirtation at the water fountain (what Joan doesn't know, won't hurt her). It isn't until lunch, when you wave hello to your good friend Barry, that you once more feel the numbness
creeping up your right arm.
At first this doesn't worry you, but as you stand in the elevator, humming along with the background music, you notice
the numbness spreading up your left arm too. The elevator dings, and as you step onto the cool linoleum floor of the lobby, your feet feel heavy.
For a moment you stand in the door way, frozen, as the doors start to close…
But as your heart rate quickens you step into the lobby and continue your brisk walk towards the parking lot.
You consider seeing the doctor as you enter the cafeteria.
#
Nothing else happens for the rest of the day, and finally you pack up, closing your briefcase and clicking the latches
shut. You decide to take the stairs on your way out; you feel fine so you even whistle your favorite tune. You walk across the pavement, feel your feet slap against the asphalt, and reach your car.
You left a little early, so traffic isn't as bad. The freeway is almost empty. You put your car on cruise
control and look out at the orange sky and setting sun.
Then as you turn on your blinker, you feel the numbness take over your hand once more. It starts in your finger tips then slowly spreads up your arm. Your legs feel heavy, and that joke about your lead foot isn't funny anymore as it slams down on the gas pedal. You watch the speed dial move steadily towards the right; 80… 90… 100… You swerve to avoid hitting the car in front of you. You try to pick your foot up, but it doesn't listen. It stays like cement on the pedal. You race past the other cars on the freeway. Your heart is pounding; it feels like the only thing that is moving. You can no longer feel the smooth wheel beneath your fingers. You see your hands move the wheel left and right, weaving between traffic, but you are not doing this yourself. They move of their own accord. Meanwhile your legs are like stone.
You pass a cop car.
Still you cannot stop; in fact you speed up, it as though someone else has taken control of your body, you are a puppet,
a marionette in someone else's horrible play. But then, the siren of the cop car startles this invisible force, it vanishes from your body and suddenly you are in control again, though your entire body stings
with that terrible pins and needles feeling. The wheel is unsteady in your hand; your fingers twitch and you veer left, into a red blur and the last thing you remember is the sound of the metal colliding.
#
The beep of the heart monitor is the first thing you are aware of when you awake. In the distance you hear mumbling
voices.
You try to move your hand but nothing is there. Your eyelids peel back and you can see again… you laying in a hospital room. The television is on; the people on the screen seem to be laughing at you. The remote is inches from your hand… it might as well be miles. The numbness is gone. But you still cannot move. Cannot feel.
You see Joan standing by your bedside, talking to the doctor. He is explaining something.
You struggle to make out the words. Slowly they come to you… "his accident has left him paralyzed…"
No, you want to shout.
No, I was paralyzed before the accident. You want to tell him to figure out what is really wrong, and fix it. The accident had nothing to do with this.
Joan nods, and the doctor walks away. She turns and you see the tears streaming down her face. She holds your
hand; you see her affection and it touches you slightly, but you cannot feel her hand. Can barely remember how smooth that skin is. She leans over and kisses you, but you cannot even feel that.
Cannot feel the warm touch of her lips. And suddenly you realize that you will never be able to caress her cheek, push her hair behind her ear, or feel her finger tips trace across your back. You will never feel again.
|
